John Hughes
via claytoncubitt:
“My Vagina”, wherein a teenage boy wakes up with a vagina:
“Then all the skin started. Boy, is there ever a lot of skin! There is probably enough extra skin down there to make a whole face. It’s all tucked in and wrinkled up, and at first, it doesn’t make any sense. It just looks like somebody got drunk and just mushed everything in there. That skin is sort of two-tone. It’s fleshish/pinkish outside and then when you get inside it’s redder, like inside-the-mouth skin, and it is very soft and sticky. And it get stickier the closer you get to the hole, and then it’s just “wet.” It also can be, like, “molded,” and I made a bird shape out of the real long flaps that sort of hang out.
Anyhow, it’s all defined into things called, I think, lips, and I think there are about four sets of them, although I’m not sure because they are all attached to each other. Inside all those lips is the actual hole. I’m not sure what all that skin is for except maybe for “show” because, who knows, when we were cavemen maybe guys thought all that stuff looked cool.”
“My Penis”, wherein a teenage girl wakes up with a penis:
“Let me be the first to say that sperm is the absolute grossest! Even when it’s your own. Uck! It smells like Comet cleanser and it looks like runny nose. Plus, it is sticky gooey and it splatters out of the…penis in warm, gucky glumps and glops and it keeps coming out even after you get dressed. After you finish, you don’t remember how cool it felt, you just feel stupid and guilty and sick with yourself for doing it and getting sperms all over everything, and sperms are living, you know—they’re like bugs, and they get all over. On top of that, the penis gets small and ugly. The only thing that is better about boy “sex” with yourself than girl “sex” with yourself is that with boy “sex,” you know when it’s over.”
Holy shit!
